


In which James has to kill a bunch of idiots

by WoozleBucket



Series: Sugar Pine 7 Drabbles [9]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF, Sugar Pine 7 RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Grand Theft Auto Setting, Honestly i love this fic too much, Implied/Referenced Brainwashing, Light Angst, Minor Violence, Oh Dear, One of My Favorites, light considering who i am
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 16:46:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12236799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WoozleBucket/pseuds/WoozleBucket
Summary: What the title says, but with flashbacks! :D





	In which James has to kill a bunch of idiots

**Author's Note:**

> I posted this on my Tumblr in the beginning of September and am just now posting this. For some reason. 
> 
> And, yes, I get that James wasn't a Water Warrior in canon (SPOILERS I GUESS LOL), but he was probably part of another gang. I'm using the Water Warriors in place of said other gang because fuck if I'm gonna go back and edit like half of this old fic.

_“Hey, James, nice to see ya again! It’s been, what, five years?”_

_“Marty? Wait, what’s going on?”_

_“One. Three.”_

_“What the hell are you doing?”_

-

James has no idea who these Sugar Pine idiots are, but they’re maybe some of the stupidest criminals he’s had to deal with, and that’s saying a lot. He’s been a part of the Water Warriors for his entire life and he’s had to deal with some real dumbasses, but these guys take the cake. 

He watches the heist from a hotel across the street, if you can even call it a heist. It’s sloppy. They don’t have anybody watching the doors, their hacker is obviously in the beat-up minivan literally right in front of the bank, and the cops are already showing up five minutes in. As the crew comes running out of the building, they’re smiling. That’s another thing, they aren’t wearing masks or anything. They’re unprofessional, and it’s showing.

James raises his sniper rifle and points it at the one in the pink hat, the supposed leader, Suptic. Who the hell decided that this guy deserved to be leader? He’s scrawny and is already out of breath. James takes a deep breath and takes the shot.

Suptic ducks as if he was expecting the bullet. His second in command jumps and runs even faster, leaving the others in his dust. The girl sees this and squints up at the hotel’s rooftop. James ducks, confused. He doesn’t miss, he _never_ misses. 

God, his boss is going to kill him.

-

_“Green.”_

_“I’m gonna fuckin’ kill you if you don’t let me go I swear to-”_

_“Green.”_

-

“James, dude, where the hell have ya been? We missed ya!”

James looks up from his phone to see the second in command, no name in the files other than “Cib”, running towards him. He’s there and pulling James into a hug before he can react. James refuses to admit that the hug feels nice. This is a target, a complete stranger. A complete stranger who, for some reason, knows who James is.

James shoves “Cib” away and grabs him by the throat. “Who the hell are you and how do you know who I am?”

“What, James-” “Cib” wheezes, looking shocked. This guy can’t be for real, everybody who knows James knows that he immediately grabs people by the throat. 

_“Come on, dude, you’re killin’ me!”_

_James quickly lets go of his throat and apologizes. “Yeah, sorry, dude. It’s natural.”_

_He rubs his throat, a stupid smile still on his face. “It’s fine, dude!”_

“I will fucking kill you if you don’t leave when I let you go,” James growls. He doesn’t know why he’s letting this guy go. He could kill him now, get one of the targets out of the way while he has him. It’s more fun this way, yeah, that’s it. 

He lets “Cib” go, but “Cib” doesn’t run. He just looks James over slowly, pulls out a vape, and takes a long drag.

“Naw,” he smiles, shaking his head. The smoke curls up into the sky. “I don’t think you will.”

What a dumbass. James pulls a gun out of his waistband and fires directly at “Cib”’s stomach. “Cib” goes pale and drops his vape, shattering it on the blood-stained sidewalk. 

“Huh,” “Cib” says. James can see Suptic walking towards them, running now that he’s seen “Cib” shot. Without saying another word, James takes off down the street.

-

_“Kiosk. Green.”_

_“Fucking, I know what you’re trying to do! Glisten, listen, Marty, you really shouldn’t be doing this.”_

-

James is cornered by one of the world's least violent gang bosses and, frankly, it confuses him because all the files say that Steven Suptic is not a violent man, that he prefers that his boys (“Cib” and some other guy that the files don't name) do the work because it's "yuckie". And how the hell is James cornered, anyway? Suptic literally just walked up to him and managed to corner him in this dead-end alley, and he isn't that menacing. He's wearing a goddamn pink hat for fuck's sake!

"James," Suptic says. James feels a shiver run down his spine, maybe because of fear, but, no that isn't it. He can't feel fear, it isn't allowed. Ever. 

"How the fuck do you know who I am?" James asks. Suptic takes another step forward, making James take another backward.

"You can't keep doing this, dude," Suptic says as if they've had this conversation before, and he's speaking like they've known each other for a while. Which they haven't.

“Look, Suptic, I don’t know how you know who I am,” James says, putting his hands up defensively. “but I’m just doing a job. It’s nothing personal.”

“Yeah, I don’t give a shit,” Suptic says, taking another step forward. “You shot my best friend.”

“I don’t give a shit,” James says, something deep inside of him protesting. “My boss wants you dead. It’s either you or me.”

Suptic takes in a deep breath and pulls a gun out of his back pocket. He levels it at James and says, “I guess you’re right.”

_“I guess you’re right,” he groans, putting his head in his hands. “God, fucking, ugh. I really shouldn’t be doing this.”_

_“Hell yeah I’m right,” James comments, not looking up from his gun._

_“You are such an asshole.”_

James rushes forward, grabbing Suptic’s throat and pinning him to a wall. Suptic drops his gun in shock.

“Glisten, listen, Suptic, this isn’t personal,” James says. “I just don’t want to be killed for not killing you. You have to understand me here.”

Suptic suddenly looks sad and, for some reason, it makes James’ stomach cave in. 

“What happened to you?” Suptic asks, his voice cracking every word. 

“Life,” James says. 

Suddenly, James hears a grunt and before he can do anything, something heavy is smacked into the back of his neck. He crumples to the ground, his head cracking open on the concrete.

“Take that, bitch,” someone says. 

“Goddamn it, Jeremy,” Suptic groans. “You were supposed to be here like an hour ago!”

James attempts to get to his knees, but “Jeremy” smacks him again. This time, he is knocked completely unconscious. 

God, his boss is actually going to kill him this time.

-

_“Three.”_

_“I will kill you. I swear to God, Marty, if you make me-”_

_“Three.”_

_James shakes his head, confused as to why he’s tied up in a chair in his dad’s warehouse. He sees Marty and smiles. “Hey, man!”_

_Marty grins and hides the book behind his back._

-

James wakes up tied to a chair in a dark warehouse and can’t help but feel that he’s done this before. His glasses are off, but he can make out Suptic sitting in a chair maybe four feet away from him.

“God, you’re gross looking,” Suptic comments. 

“If I could see you, I’d say the same thing,” James returns, squinting at the other man. 

Suptic turns his head and calls behind him, “Yeah, no, he’s still an asshole!”

“I know!” “Cib” yells, presumably from the far back of the warehouse. His voice echoes. “Fuckin’ got the bullet to prove it! And it doesn’t even have apple juice in it this time!”

“Is he this much of an idiot all the time?” James asks.

“Yes,” Suptic nods, answering so quickly that he couldn’t have thought about it any longer than a second. “Anyway, why the fuck are you being such a dick?”

“I fucking told you,” James answers. “It’s just a job. I wouldn’t be doing it if I wasn’t being threatened with, you know, dying. Kinda puts a downer on our relationship, doesn’t it?”

“Why are you a smartass when you’re trying to kill us?” Suptic mutters. Again, he sounds like he’s had this conversation before. Like he’s personally spoken to James before today. Which isn’t right, can’t be right. 

-

_James rolls his eyes as he reads the file, sighing, “Seriously? You brought me in to kill these guys? They seem like a bunch of idiots.”_

_“Trust me, dude,” Marty says. “You’re the only guy who can do this for us.”_

_Steven Suptic, the head of the Sugar Pine Crew. “Cib”, the second in command. Parker Coppins, the hacker. Some guy named Jeremy that nobody has any info on. Autumn Farrell, the deaf girl. And-_

_James looks up from the file. “Hey, there’s a page missing here.”_

_“Huh, what?” Marty asks, obviously not paying attention._

_“Uh, nothing. Nothing.”_

-

“Hey, Steve, I, uh, we’ve got something!”

Suptic groans. “What now!?”

James can hear someone running towards them and when they get close enough to see, James feels disgusted. Coppins sees James and takes a stumbled step backwards. 

“Uh, hey, James, how’s it been?” he asks. 

“Fuck off, Coppins,” James says at the same time as Suptic’s, “God, what do you want?”

Coppins fumbles and opens his computer. “Uh, I’ve, uh, you’ve seen the new Captain America, right?”

“No,” Suptic says. “Only nerds did.”

_“God, did you see Cap go like, and then he was like, and then he fuckin’ blew that up!” he yells, practically bouncing his way down the sidewalk. He’s smiling wider than James has ever seen him. It’s a nice change._

_“Dude, we were there,” James sighs, pretending to be annoyed. He really isn’t, but [static] doesn’t need to know that._

_[static] throws an arm around both of their shoulders and drags them closer. “Come on, James, quit being such a hardass! That’s [static]’s job!”_

_[static] pushes him away, still smiling._

Coppins hands his laptop to Suptic.

James tenses as he hears Suptic clear his throat and say, “One. Three…”

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Tumblr @ohnomypeas! There you can find lots of Wonderfully Gay Shit, more angst than you can shake a vape at, Cow Chop, and Spooky Pine 7.


End file.
